i tried writing a few days ago. before that,a few weeks ago after the promos ended,but i couldn't for the lack of inspiration (inspiration reminds me of mr.Dore the could-be docile old man with a scheming though endearing face. i don't know how scheming and endearing go together,but. one literature tutorial,he was rattling on about inspiration - its root word being 'inspire' actually meaning taking in,or breathe or inhale OR SOMETHING. basically,the act of taking in - and it being of latin origin. it's his eccentricity and more than that,his intellect that i admire; his grasp of latin and french and english and goodness-knows what else. going further off with origins and root words would be to say i saw akeelah and the bee with Cheche,sunday afternoon. spelling bees are really cool and i do think i'll never be as proficient in the english language as i ever hope to be as much as they say i am obsessed with spelling and pronunciation and grammar. it's a certain tragedy. haha). and i think it was because i actually felt okay. at least,then. this is exactly what i worry about: the repulsing fact that i cannot write unless i feel like tearing myself into bits and bleeding all over the floor. and if i can't write when i feel okay,it must mean that - at least,to a certain extent - i don't want to feel okay. thing is,who would want that?! i think i probably only like 1 out of 10 things i write. then you'd puzzle over why i still write if i don't like my writing. i guess i just like some of the confusion in it. i'm rambling|:
dear Joanney,we'll never see the sky like that (on our evenings out of school after training) again. i guess it's precious because it was one of the very few times we were walking out with Elle and these days,the sky does not look beautiful like this anymore. i think i'll miss morning trainrides with Elle even more next year. she always has these facial expressions of dismay which are awfully funny. anyway,if you look at the picture big enough,you'll see the blurry edges - i like them(: the indeliberate wonders of the camera phone.
dug up more old photos when i was home. this was track meet of sec3,i think. heh! we really,genuinely looked happy right? and the colours made the picture look happy too - the purple and yellow. how apt that we were all lyra and auriga(: y'know how these moments are captured and forever because with a click,they last a lifetime? after a while,the happiness fades and a tinge of bittersweet is evident in our smiles and in our closeness,the aching of hearts\:
how can it be that i'm nostalgic for the place i've hated all this time?
