i want to write something that will make everybody stop. will make everyone forget what they are doing, forget everything, and just be in the moment. for a second. it doesn't matter. i want to create emotion. to create something. something other than mess and random scribbles of words. i want my fingers to know what to do, to tell me. not for me to tell them, i want to stop going back and deleting the meaningless things i write, because i want to find meaning in them. i want for there to be meaning there. not just for me. for everybody. i want to create heart stopping moments. but i can't. i don't know how. i have nothing. but i have so much. so much that doesn't matter. i want words to control me. i want it to just come. it just comes. and i don't know what to think. am i okay? is it alright? what's happening? where am i going? i want to know that everything will be okay. but it won't. it can't. it's broken moments and misunderstandings. i don't have perfect words. i don't have the right things to say. i have nothing i want, and everything i don't need. or do need. i don't know. i don't even know words. i'm just trying to be something that i won't ever be. but i don't know what else i have. i can't see.