i love you,i need you
though my world may fall
i'll never let you go
my savior,my closest friend
i will worship you until the very end
i've been seeing yawee for the past seven consecutive days. considering that we're meeting again tomorrow,i'll be seeing for eight consecutive days(: what's to be happier about is that we've both spent this week,not only together,but with God as well.
i have no intention of sounding holy. i can only pray that He sees my sincerity despite whatever judgement which is passed.
su camp is amazing,really. it seriously put us all into this spiritual high. and this intensity of wanting to think about and just have God in our minds 24/7 almost lasts all throughout the day. but most times,it's all just post-camp excitement. which dies off eventually..as school starts and all.
i went to su camp wanting to be refreshed. i barely did qt and during sunday school,gave answers which i knew were right;the way i ought to and wanted to feel about God but just couldn't put my focus on. one of the messages during camp was centering our focus and attention on Him despite our troubles or trials. we read about all these bible characters..paul,silas,david..and i just think "i really wna be like that!" then i start to wonder why i can't/couldn't. not just people from the bible,but also people in camp! everyone looked so dedicated,going all out to praise Him. everyone knew the right things to say and sounded sincere about them. i mean,deep down i want to be so much like all of them. seeing how everyone could say and do simple things like walk around and greet "God bless" to each other really made me wonder why i was so uncomfortable with doing that. my best friend said,"sometimes i just can't believe i can be so half-hearted in loving him, and it makes me wonder if i've ever loved him as much as i thought i did."
i know i've always loved Him. cause i know he's part of so much of my daily life. we went to foochow yesterday for crosslink. pastor steven read a story and named so many examples of how God is so real in our lives. it really struck me. like,how can i have "ignored" Him with such lousy excuses like fatigue and school work?!
many times i'm also reminded of what tp said about giving time to God. and it's true! when i give and entrust my time to Him,time that's also from Him,why should i have to worry about not having enough? because He'll bless me with even more!(:
going to camp and experiencing His presence,y'know,it really helped with getting my relationship with Him straight again. i don't want to be this Christian only just on the outside. i want to be one who radiates His love right from this complex,fragile chunk of meat that is in me! i love moomoo so much because somehow it's easy telling her stuff. and during camp,she was a comfort! always being supportive and encouraging. this might all sound cliche,but really,i thank Him for all the wonderful people in my life. there are seriously too many to name.
i wouldn't say i have it all right now. and i can't say i'm not going to stumble again. but i know for sure that He'll always be there. the willingness is my part. the most awful things in me,all the trash in my life,He wants to take away. like moomoo said,sometimes it just isn't easy letting go..of the stuff you've said or did to hurt,of stuff said or done to hurt you. it's really isn't an overnight-thing. but i've learnt to surrender all because He really is what we all need.
it's not like everything will remain sunshine fluffy and candy-coated now that we all are spiritually high. things might,perhaps they will start going downhill again,but i know i will always turn back to Him for strength.
besides,
we'll all eventually get to our happy endings
with Him.
