[like a game of pick-up-sticks.. played by fucking lunatics.]*
exceptionally long train ride home.
cant describe the way i felt when suuz got off at her stop and just stood outside the train waving..
looking sad.
prolly cuz she was going to teach ashley english.
ohwell. i mean.
it was pretty sweet of her to just stand there until the train left. i mean..
yknow. anyways it took forever for the stupid mert to get from clementi to redhill. this stupid fool who came into the train at commonwealth did that stupid paul thing. the whole phone thing.
i get myself into trouble without doing anything.
got an ulcer from biting my bottom lip too much.
on the inner side.
beginning to feel some numb-ish thing and less pain.
so suuz and i were just sitting at yewtee mert station and she said smth like "john stays at one of those blocks."
those with bridges. smth like that..
like some castle-kingdom thing.
interesting useless information.
mostly useless, but interesting at the same time la.
thirty minutes to alter our lives thirty minutes to make up my mind
thirty minutes to shoulder the blame thirty minutes of bliss thirty lies
thirty minutes to finally decide.
to decide. --
2004h.
was thinking abt a whole bunch of things just.
but i totally forgot so. forget it.
just sitting here stoning abt what to write.
had "a whole bunch of things" to say.
but i totally forgot.
repetition.
last night charlie asked if i am free next saturday.
smth abt celebrating nings, elibirds and mine.
didnt mean to make my going/being free reluctant.
cuz well, im dying to see everybody.
and yea.. i just pictured like.
being excited, very excited inside.
but just walking up-- totally calm.
yah and just smiling and giving charlie a never-ending hug.
i think i'd just end up crying.
dying to see the gang. shrug.
thought today was never going to come.
but its practically ending already.
fwah.
