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nings yawee nad charlie tim
blogger enetation
N E S S
archives.
` Wednesday, March 14, 2007


i've always wanted to close this down,but it has been for two reasons that i haven't. i'm going away to LJ now (but i'm leaving this for keepsake) because i want to continue writing lest i forget how to think at all.
and in all attempt to let go.

©,ness - 8:10 PM |
` Saturday, January 06, 2007


In Good (New Year's Eve) Company: one ditched me for her boyfriend's friends only to realise where her heart really lies (beams), another (i've decided to call) Julius whose Rooney hair is nicer than mine & Mingf (i do believe i'm his "Simon-Lim-the-Captain-of-Your-Heart).

(i do realise i like using brackets a lot. well,i thought i was going to be lonely and friendless - as always - on the last day of the year after dinner with CheChe & Walter. but i guess sometimes,things sort of turn out right. sometimes you just see people online when they're supposed to be out at a party being 'social'. and then,suddenly you find yourself in their company and your lonesome self does not feel so alone afterall.)

Good Ways to Start the New Year:

1. finish homework (you were supposed to do two months ago) with (your) Best Friend and Best Friend's uh,Friend. and be pleased with "Banan" and "Nadan".


2. roll around on (your) Best Friend's bed,lament about The Past,depress over the new school year & 'A' levels,play Taboo - and end up laughing yourself silly cause of the most spastic things you both say in attempt to help each other get the answer - and try to take pictures (of and) with The Posse.


3. with guileless contentment (and happy sleeb).

©,ness - 12:57 PM |
` Wednesday, December 27, 2006

approximately an hour ago,i was stuck under block 55 with a cute little old man. (i do not keep up with the latest nokia phone models but i'm pretty certain he was using a fairly new one (it's a flip phone with a plastic cover). old people holding up-to-date mobile phones make me feel a little unconfortable. i mean,it sorta feels like technology is robbing them of their tech-less innocence. i mean,it just doesn't feel right. not that they don't deserve it as much as we do. i mean,they probably do,even more so than us. okay,this reasoning with myself is tiring.) perhaps he thought i was this harmless creature and offered me a lot of information about him and his family - how his daughter lives in 55 on the fourth level and he in 50 on the nineteenth. well soon,Mr.Old Man's tiny skinny wife came with a brolly for him and she asked if i needed her to shelter me across but i said "oh bu bi,wo ma ma yao lai le." (yes i am very ashamed of my chinese vocabulary and my pathetic english accent evident when i speak mandarin\: ) so,Mrs.Old Lady went,"oh! ma ma..hen hao." i happily told them to "xiao xin!" and they went off in the pouring rain(: they're so sweet y'know - so tiny. Mr. and Mrs.Old are small in stature,with Mrs.Old looking frail (yet sturdy at the same time,y'know what i mean?),but Mr.Old makes up for her frail appearance with his small bulky frame. y'know,when i grow old,on rainy days when My Grumpy Mr.Old Man is stuck away from home (because he's spent too much time talking to his friend at the coffee shop and lent the brolly he brought out to his friend because he didn't think it'd rain),i want to bring an umbrella to him too. and then we can walk home together in the rain (with our brollies).

©,ness - 10:27 PM |
` Wednesday, December 13, 2006


i just had to.

Mrs Musgrove had little arrangements of her own at her own table; to their protection she must trust, and sinking into the chair which he had occupied, succeeding to the very spot where he had leaned and written, her eyes devoured the following words:

'I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own, than when you almost broke it eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. -- Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? -- I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something that overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice, when they would be lost on others. -- Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating in
'F. W.'

'I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening, or never.'

someday,Captain Wentworth.

©,ness - 1:11 AM |
` Saturday, December 09, 2006


7 random things:
01. Deep Heat is my first love (fine,it isn't). but i absolutely love Deep Heat. let me tell you: despite swimming three times last week and twice this week,because of one and a half week's training break,my left calf hurt after thursday's training. though i do have my doubts about it being a muscle ache/strain. i suspect it was the air-conditioning in great world(x but you see the wondrous fidelity of Deep Heat! come rheumatism,muscle ache - it is always there! unless of course,it runs out,but i don't deep-heat very often,so. so today,when my left calf (or the bones in it) ached,Deep Heat relieved all pain. did i also mention how i actually enjoy the way it stings? yes,i do.
02. when i grow up,i want to be a comic book hero,Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter there). for real! the notion of being a hot,fit (obviously she's fit otherwise she wouldn't be able to beat them baddies,but do we ever see them super heroes train?! noooo..ninnies.) and butt-kicking super woman is wholly appealing and not to mention,very favourable to women. imagine all the power! yes well,in retrospect (and all forms of self-bash),she's everything i'm not and everything i never will be. eh heh!
03. the four worst people in the world are Jealousy,Guilt,Anger and Insecurity. they result in Morose and Anger.
04. i wish i could wear pyjamas all day long. everywhere.
05. i will never get close to anyone again. i am afraid of the part of me which automatically distances itself when things get too intense - i thought it died away.
it didn't.
06. the other day,i had this urge to text you to say that i'm really happy you've found love. i think my happiness is somewhat built on yours too; yours,among other people as well. initially,i thought it was wrong - this kind of love - and i know you thought so too. recently,i've caught myself thinking it fine several times only to realise (i'm always happy with ya'll cause we're always laughing) the happy distraction ya'll are. i know this isn't my problem,but this is where we're kind of stuck.
07. 24 days.
--
[/edit]
i'm going to risk sounding like a bimbo (save being pretty) and say (subtly) that i'm absolutely wrecked that Brody & Bilson have split.
PLEASE GET BACK TOGETHER!

©,ness - 6:39 PM |
` Thursday, November 16, 2006



it used to be easy to tell which the glass pieces were and which the reflection was (i sort of had to say that out to get the word placement right). i liked that installation because it was under a desk at which a judge used to sit to do his readings (and what-not) in the old City Hall. i liked the little fear that crept into me when we walked into his dimly lit office to discover her little,bright crystal cave treasure underneath.

and who'd know anyone who'd be so willing to admit himself a


on different day,
boxed in bright pink neon lights,
in yet another dimly lit setting,
i become part of artwork too!

and despite this fatigue at the day's end (the doing of 2 biennale goodie bags),

i'm always happy with you.

i'm just sorry it's over.

©,ness - 4:57 PM |
` Tuesday, October 24, 2006


i tried writing a few days ago. before that,a few weeks ago after the promos ended,but i couldn't for the lack of inspiration (inspiration reminds me of mr.Dore the could-be docile old man with a scheming though endearing face. i don't know how scheming and endearing go together,but. one literature tutorial,he was rattling on about inspiration - its root word being 'inspire' actually meaning taking in,or breathe or inhale OR SOMETHING. basically,the act of taking in - and it being of latin origin. it's his eccentricity and more than that,his intellect that i admire; his grasp of latin and french and english and goodness-knows what else. going further off with origins and root words would be to say i saw akeelah and the bee with Cheche,sunday afternoon. spelling bees are really cool and i do think i'll never be as proficient in the english language as i ever hope to be as much as they say i am obsessed with spelling and pronunciation and grammar. it's a certain tragedy. haha). and i think it was because i actually felt okay. at least,then. this is exactly what i worry about: the repulsing fact that i cannot write unless i feel like tearing myself into bits and bleeding all over the floor. and if i can't write when i feel okay,it must mean that - at least,to a certain extent - i don't want to feel okay. thing is,who would want that?! i think i probably only like 1 out of 10 things i write. then you'd puzzle over why i still write if i don't like my writing. i guess i just like some of the confusion in it. i'm rambling|:


dear Joanney,we'll never see the sky like that (on our evenings out of school after training) again. i guess it's precious because it was one of the very few times we were walking out with Elle and these days,the sky does not look beautiful like this anymore. i think i'll miss morning trainrides with Elle even more next year. she always has these facial expressions of dismay which are awfully funny. anyway,if you look at the picture big enough,you'll see the blurry edges - i like them(: the indeliberate wonders of the camera phone.


dug up more old photos when i was home. this was track meet of sec3,i think. heh! we really,genuinely looked happy right? and the colours made the picture look happy too - the purple and yellow. how apt that we were all lyra and auriga(: y'know how these moments are captured and forever because with a click,they last a lifetime? after a while,the happiness fades and a tinge of bittersweet is evident in our smiles and in our closeness,the aching of hearts\:

how can it be that i'm nostalgic for the place i've hated all this time?

©,ness - 1:36 PM |